Let's talk about health

Health has been coming up a lot lately. Not even lately- as every vegan knows every other non vegan you meet accuses you of being in poor health- regardless of their own health, by the way. But me- I get it twice over because not only am I a vegan but I'm a fat vegan. The worst of the worst. I somehow manage to be fat and healthy and that scares the shit out of people. So I'm going to talk about my own health nuttiness and how it applies to my veganism and my weight.

I do consider myself a health nut, but not an extremist (extremists usually don't use actual science or logic). Firstly I'll say that I'm a vegan for animal rights reasons and not for health but the health benefits are a very nice side effect. People equate weight with health when, in reality, a very thin person can do nothing but sit on the couch all day eating pizza and drinking soda and be very unhealthy and a very fat person can eat healthfully and be active and healthy.

The assumption is going to be that the thin person is healthy and that the fat person is not. Why? Because health is a strawman- no one actually cares whether you're healthy or not- they hate you because you're fat and only because you're fat and no one cares if you're healthier than they are. The sentiment that fat people can also be healthy is backed up by many studies which show that poor diet and inactivity lead to health problems- not the addition of extra fat cells in and of themselves. Furthermore, studies show that it's highly unlikely you're going to lose weight and keep it off- and if you are in the 5% who do, you'd better be prepared to literally starve your body into that socially acceptable form. In short, fat people are encouraged and expected to have eating disorders. Studies even show that fat people who restrict their calories experience a psychological consequence which appears in anyone who's starving, fat and thin alike and includes anxiety, fixation on food and intrusive thoughts of eating, depression. This because the body regards their larger weight as the correct weight and fights to return to that weight.

So let's start on health and weight. The myth seems to be that if you eat healthy and exercise then your body will stabilize at a "normal" weight (meaning a socially acceptable ideal). It all seems very simple to a lot of people- energy in and energy out. If you're expending more calories (units of energy) than you're consuming then you will lose weight. They fail to take into account that everyone's body burns at different rates and that different bodies expel those calories differently  including as heat. For many of us whose bodies don't expend the energy as rapidly as someone else (a slower metabolism) then reduction of calories, especially severely, will lead to chronic fatigue, inability to concentrate or focus, irritability and depression, and a basic loss of enjoyment of life (life isn't too fun when you're too tired to even move). More so, as mentioned above, a sustained calorie deficit of 1500 calories or less cause severe psychological and physical effects which can even lead to death (related to the depression usually).

And where do we get this weird notion that you can't be fat and healthy anyway? Correlation- however, as we know, correlation does not equal causation. Did you know that the more ice cream sales there are the more rapes that are reported? From this we could conclude that ice cream sales cause people to rape others. Or not. In the same way, just because fat people tend to be more unhealthy doesn't mean it's because they're fat. So why is it, if not the excess of adipose cells on their body? Stress, depression, dieting, weight cycling (caused by dieting), and other factors are more likely to explain the correlation. These things don't come as a result of being fat- fat people aren't inherently depressed and stressed. It comes from sizism and fat people being shamed and bullied. In other words, we're not killing ourselves- you're killing us. It's a well known fact that extended stress causes heart problems as well as blood pressure problems.

One study split women into two groups. One group was instructed on traditional dieting and one group practiced Health at Every Size (or HAES) and were taught to love their bodies and respect themselves. Of the two groups, the dieting group lost weight (and thus lowered their cholesterol and blood pressure) but then regained it all (returning the health problems as well). The HAES group didn't lose weight, but they still maintained the health benefits. The reduction in stress and the healthy eating and exercise (as opposed to calorie restriction) gave them all of the same health benefits of losing weight, but without the risks of weight cycling or calorie restriction. So in short, being healthy has nothing to do with weight and more to do with what you eat and if you exercise. There are tons of studies that show weight does not directly impact health but how you treat your body does. Calling someone names and shaming them isn't going to make them healthier and, like all forms of bullying, it makes you an abuser and possibly an accomplice to ruining someone's life or even taking it.

Next let's talk about veganism. As I've said- I am not a health vegan. Veganism was originally created as a way to separate people who truly wanted to end animal cruelty from other vegetarians. In other words, veganism is, at it's heart, an animal rights movement. Yes, some people eat a strict vegetarian diet (also sometimes called a vegan diet) for health reasons, but they tend to still use animal products in other parts of their lives, whereas vegans don't. That's right- my conditioner? Not tested on animals. My clothes? No silk or fur or leather or wool to be found. Still, people tend to be extremely 'concerned' for my health. While this concern is usually a disguised insult designed to defend a person's own animal filled lifestyle or diet. So let's talk a little bit about the health of a vegan.

No cholesterol. No vegan food contains cholesterol- cholesterol only comes from animal products. Because of this vegans tend to have excellent cholesterol and blood pressure.

Protein- believe it or not, animal products are not the only source of this. People seem to assume I'm never getting enough and never realize that the average American gets about 3X the amount of protein they need daily. So it's not that I'm low on it- it's that you're way over on it. Still, you can always talk to a vegan body builder and ask them how they do it. Beans (including soy beans), legumes, nuts, seeds, and wheat all have tons of protein. All food has protein to some degree.

B-12- I don't think any meat eater even knew what this was before they started trying to find ways to attack vegans. B-12 is found, naturally, in animal products and nutritional yeast. Many vegans eat nutritional yeast though it's certainly not necessary if you dislike it since all supplement forms of B-12 are vegan and many vegan foods, including alternative milks, breakfast cereals, oatmeal, and alternative "meats" contain B-12. And hey, if you're a vegan geek and you're throwing back those energy drinks for all night gaming sessions- you're getting plenty. The average adult only needs about two and a half micrograms a day and extra stays in your system for quite a while.

In general, vegans and vegetarians tend to be healthier than omnivore's so it's probably not my health that you need to be worrying about. Today's vegans have a much easier time of getting all the nutrition that they need than the vegans during the 30's did. We have such a great understanding of nutrition and health- and we're learning more every day. Enough that an animal free diet is not only possible, but it's healthy and recommended for all stages of life including pregnancy, babies, children, and adults. Meat free diets are even recommended for heart disease patients.

Now, I myself even go a little further than that. I pay close attention to the ration of omega 6's to omega 9's  that I consume (too much 6 is bad for your heart- sorry sunflower seed lovers). I don't consume HFCS and I stay far away from artificial colors. I eat very few processed vegan products and stick mainly to whole foods and I eat very little wheat (since some studies are showing a link with diabetes and heart problems). Basically- veganism is healthier than being an omnivore in general, but I'm even more of a health nut than most vegans. I've always cared about my health- and that includes my mental and emotional health which people seem to think they can walk all over.

Bottom line? Don't pretend to show concern for my health to disguise your bullying- you're threatening my health far more than any faux arguments you can come up with.

You Don't Know

I want to address this because it's something that keeps coming back to my mind again and again- and that is that people assume they know your eating habits or exercise habits depending on your weight. This works both for thin people and fat people. I'm going to address it in more of a personal manner though and talk about why it was completely false in my case.

When I still cared about my weight, when I still thought being fat made me worthless and lazy and glutinous, I did everything I could to lose weight (Now I know better). At one point I decided I needed my thyroid checked because it was just ridiculous that eating healthfully and restricting calories, and exercising wasn't working (gee, maybe that's because diets don't work.. but I didn't know that). I confided this to my mother who didn't believe there was anything wrong with me, pointing out that I don't exercise much anymore due to multiple injuries. "What about in high school, mom?", I asked. "I know how you ate in high school." was her reply, obviously implying that my eating habits had to do with my weight. I'll be honest- I was shocked. There's very little my mom knew about my life in high school and my eating habits were definitely not part of her knowledge.

Now, I want to be clear that my mom worked very hard and very long trying to support three children after my father skipped out on child support completely so I'm not blaming her for not knowing my eating habits as it's clear why she wouldn't. Either she was working or I was at school, with friends, etc.

So why did she claim she knew how I ate in high school when she rarely was privy to the knowledge? Because she assumed she knew what I ate because I was fat.  What she didn't know if that I hardly ever ate at all and, thus, often had fainting spells (which my now husband can attest to). I never ate breakfast, rarely ate lunch, and when I ate dinner at home I ate side dishes because I became a vegetarian when I was 14 (freshman year) and we didn't cook many vegetarian meals- therefore I was stuck with corn and potatoes most of the time. This starvation diet that I was on may account for me being at my thinnest in high school (a size 15/16 US).And certainly starving myself would be the only way to get back there (if you are even thinking of suggesting that then you are one sick fuck).

In addition to eating very little for about 5 or 6 years I also was incredibly active. I love walking. I really want to emphasize just how much I love it- I would walk everywhere I went in high school and would still do so today if I didn't have an ankle injury which causes severe pain when I walk. I woke up, walked 20 minutes to my best friend's house so that we could ride the bus together, went to school where I had marching band practice every day, rode the bus back to my best friend's house, walked 20 minutes home, did homework/watched TV for a couple of hours then walked back. Then we'd walk to our other friend's house (another 20-30 minutes)  just so that we could walk around the neighborhood more. Not to mention that I had additional marching band practices, games, competitions, etc as well as frequently starting new exercise programs with my friend, Beth.

All of this walking with very little food and, for a couple of years, diet pills every day three times a day, throw in the occasional periods of bulimia and it would amaze anyone that I wasn't very thin. I would simply not eat for days at a time- once for two weeks. When presented with this information most people would say that I'm lying. I find it funny that when a very thin person says they eat non stop, no one disagrees, no one calls them a liar, and no one argues.

There are all sorts of assumptions made about fat people which are shown for being ridiculous when the same things are applied to thin people. "Fat people just eat too much" would mean that thin people eat less- so all of those thin people who eat junk food in high quantities should be morbidly obese by now shouldn't they? "fat people just don't exercise" ignores all of the thin couch potatoes out there snacking on pizza and all of the fat people, like me, who were or are incredibly active.

So I want to emphasize, no mom, you have no idea what I ate in high school. You are just as guilty of making false assumptions as anyone else in society. Think about what my brother ate and you'll realize he ate far more than I did. Next time you decide to make an assumption based on facts that you don't even have, please rethink it.

The distorted mentality of killing animals

http://www.andrea-schroeder.com/VCeelen4a.html

So I was sitting in the car last week, coming home from the grocery store, and going over a recent debate about animal cruelty and veganism. i was ranting against the illogical and sometimes just plain mind numbingly stupid arguments for meat eating that I often get. These arguments tend to be:

• Animals don't have a concept of death.
• Animals don't know what's going on when they feel pain.
• Animals aren't as intelligent as humans.
• I enjoy eating dead animals therefore it surely must be morally justifiable.
• The animals are killed quickly and humanely.
• I eat free range animals which makes it morally justifiable.

Being a mother, the thought suddenly struck me- animals aren't much different on an of these levels than a baby or a young toddler.

• Babies and toddlers don't have a concept of death.
• Babies and toddlers don't know what's going on when they feel pain.
• Babies and toddlers aren't as intelligent as adults (or even as some animals)

The other arguments, when applied to babies and toddlers are.. just reprehensible. Beyond disgusting. From the meat eater's perspective this would be: I enjoy eating the flesh of babies so it's okay, babies are killed quickly and humanly, I only eat free range babies (although in most cases people eat animals from factory farms which could be comparable to beating a baby every day and then finally killing it after a year or so).

Now, people will say this is extreme thinking, but stay with me for a moment. Can you logically give me one actual difference between a pig, who is certainly more intelligent than your newborn, and a human newborn? You could argue that the pain caused to the family makes it less morally justifiable so assume the baby is an orphan and no one would care- or that the parents themselves wanted to kill the baby for various reasons (have you seen the news? It happens people).

The one and only argument left is: because humans are superior to animals. Except that we're really not. If you have a single intelligent brain cell in your head you know that we evolved. In evolution nothing is superior to anything else. You evolve to fill a niche, you evolve in the way that best benefits your survival. So great, humans evolved in a particular way (that we'd better be incredibly grateful for!) and animals evolved in their own way, for their own niche. Evolutionarily speaking we're equals (and no, the ability to kill doesn't make you superior.. if it did we'd be praising  murderers, not locking them up).

It goes without saying that none of the arguments for meat eating are logical or morally justifiable, but it just really struck me how brainless they actually are. It's sort of like that light bulb moment you have when you realize that religions make absolutely no sense. You knew it before but suddenly you really know it.

On certain levels we apply this same brainless callousness to other humans as well. Babies, as much as people are horrified by the examples I gave and would genuinely be horrified if these things happened in real life (do you really want to think about a baby having it's legs broken, strung up, then being skinned while still alive after having it's throat slit? I didn't think so), babies still tend to be thought of as less than adults. Less important, having less needs, less deserving of many things. We genitally mutilate our baby boys here in America routinely, we leave our babies upset and crying out for love and attention for hours in their cribs because we somehow think babies need less human contact than anyone else, we physically assault our children - something we'd go to jail for doing to another adult.. sometimes you have to really wonder what is wrong with the human species. For all of our superior attitudes, can we really claim superiority when this is how we treat other animals, both human and non human?

On Apathy And The Self Centered Universe

I'm just one person, what I do doesn't matter anyway. 


So what? it's not my problem.


I overcame it, so can they and anything else is unacceptable and despicable. 

Why should I have to pay to take care of someone else? 

These phrases are common- to a depressing degree. I hear it most from local college kids who are usually libertarians, or from privileged, healthy, and driven individuals. They tend to have an "every man for himself" type of attitude that seems to be void of any type of human compassion. Why? Because they are the center of their universes. Generally speaking this is true of everyone. Human beings project their own feelings, thoughts, and expectations on others. We expect people to react to situations the same way we would, to share our world view in similar manners, and to have the same basic goals. People also tend to have different sized monkeyspheres. We intellectually know that people are different in a variety of ways, but that doesn't seem to often actually sink into our thick skulls.

Let's use a common example- infidelity which is, unfortunately, something that almost everyone experiences. This is a common type of abuse and one that people react to on vastly different scales. Girl A grew up in an abusive home and was constantly made to believe she was worthless and no person could ever love her. Person B grew up in a stable home where she was taught she can be anything she wants and she's full of worth and beauty. Let's assume the circumstance of infidelity are exactly the same- that guy/girl C purposefully seeks out an alternate partner for sexual reasons that are not in any way virtuous, accidental, or anything less than detestable. Miss A is going to be devastated.. everything she was told is confirmed.. she wasn't pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, or just enough of anything. This ties directly into her psychological makeup and experiences. Miss B reacts with anger at the abuser and realizes she doesn't deserve to be treated that way, immediately leaves and moves on with her life, being glad to be rid of garbage.

Now, the people mentioned in paragraph 1 would likely see Miss A's reaction as her own fault. Her feelings as her own fault as well as her inability to get past it. This is a bit like saying a rape victim's PTSD is his or her own fault (not the rape itself, but the resulting emotional and psychological damage that resulted). Miss B would be the "I overcame it why can't you?" type of person, not even taking into consideration that everyone will not and cannot react in the same manner as she did.

This is what I mean by the self centered universe.

Apathy is a whole different story and ties in mostly with the monkeysphere mentioned above. People who simply do not have the ability to see others as equal human beings to themselves and those within their monkeyspheres (which may include family, friends, co workers, etc). These people are also very self centered, only really caring about those who directly impact their lives. While we certainly can't personally care about everyone (perhaps about 150 people at most), we can certainly expand our compassion. Many people need to learn to put themselves in another person's shoes which doesn't simply involve "in this situation I know I'd do..." but rather "if I did and saw things the way this person does with all they're experienced and feel then how might I do things?".

My first recommendation if you wish to become a better, more compassion person is to go vegan. Yeah yeah.. I know you are probably rolling your eyes and heaving a big (if internal) sigh. But when you go vegan, even if it's for health or environmental reasons, then you automatically begin gaining compassion. It's far easier to judge people when you're already used to subjugating, torturing and killing others just for pleasure. We know that this is why children who abuse animals are marked with red flags for things like anti social personality disorder (sociopathy), narcissistic personality disorder, and a host of others. Why is it a red flag for kids but not for adults? Well, it really isn't different for adults, we just stop caring because we all do it.

The second thing I suggest is that everyone take at least an introductory course in psychology and sociology. If you are in high school or college this should be simple. If you are not, then visit psychology forums and read as much as you can. Familiarizing yourself with neurology and biology (even if only on a basic level) helps greatly too because both tie in greatly with psychology and sociology.

The third thing that I'll suggest is making friends you would never talk to before. Surround yourself with people who are different from you. The mentally ill, people who have a history of drug use or alcoholism, fat people, thin people, rich people, poor people. You don't have to be best friends, but getting to know people on a personal level you will not only begin to see things from their point of view but, more importantly, you'll begin to see how they all differ and why.

We have to realize that individual people make movements. If everyone decided that what we do doesn't matter, if everyone decided they'd rather live for themselves, then where would we be? What would have become of civil rights movements? Blacks rights, womens rights, gay rights, childrens rights.. one voice can be silenced, it's true, but a million cannot.

How Lessons From The Fat-O-Sphere changed my life

I don't mean to turn this into a fat blog. It's not- it encompasses many of my passions and ideas, but I do tend to get on topic kicks and I guess fat has been one of them lately. A few weeks ago I was visiting a friend, helping with a yard sale. We ended up talking most of the day about various topics, but at some point diets and fat came up (don't they always when two fat women are talking?). I can't remember exactly what was said although I'm fairly certain it was something about counting calories and how it never seems to work, and she told me she had something I needed to read. Lessons From The Fat-O-Sphere by Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby. I flipped through it and ended up forgetting it when I left.

A few days later my friend brought it over. Well alright alright.. I guess I'll read it. I was sure it was some stupid frou frou 'love your body, you're a goddess' crap.. which is great when I'm feeling euphoric and manic and decide that I'm the best fucking thing since sliced bread, but overall it's never held. So I read.

And man did I get pissed.

Seriously- this book is the type of book that, if you're like me, will piss you off at every new chapter. Everything in it goes against everything you know and have been taught. Then comes the sadness as you start to feel your hope of eventual thinness is being taken away from you by the cold, hard truth- backed up with plenty of studies and expert opinions. Then more anger at your body for being so stupid as to not be naturally thin like all those girls you know who can never seem to gain weight no matter what they eat. Then, finally, acceptance. If you can get through to that last part, I promise it's worth it.

Before I read this book I hated myself- and I had since I first gained weight around 7 or 8 years old. And why wouldn't I? Everyone told me I should and hey, they all hated me too so it made sense. Obviously I was just doing something wrong even when I was doing everything right. When I was a teenager I used to cut myself.. I used to cut the parts of my body that I hated. Once my brother found out he told all his friends at school that I was trying to cut the fat off. So then they could laugh at me for being fat and being a freak. In high school I began developing eating disorders. Throwing up, starving, diet pills, over eating, binge eating, and everything in between. I obsessed over my weight- tried every diet, went to gyms.. it never worked but hey, that just made me hate myself more for not doing it right.

At 25, married, and with a four year old son I still didn't have control over it. I began counting calories and the more I counted the less I ate until I was consuming about 300 calories a day. If I went over 500 I internally and mentally freaked out. I wouldn't let my husband touch my stomach, or any other part of me that I deemed too flabby or fatty.I hated having my photo taken and always hated going out where there were people because I felt they were staring at my fat and judging me. Maybe they are.. I've just learned not to care.

So what happened when I read the book and let it sink in? I started by posting video and full body photos (not taken at the myspace angle that most fat people use to visually shed 50 lbs), I began looking for fat positive photographers which led me to a site called Model Mayhem (I have two shoots booked this week already), I began wearing clothes proudly and even wear one of my shirts that has no back without layering and, most importantly, I stopped dieting. I realized that even when I'm not dieting and counting calories I still don't pig out and consumes thousands of calories in a day- so what was I so worried about? I've gotten involved in the fat-o-sphere and even helped start a new sub reddit on reddit.com. I'm much happier and, though I  haven't completely accepted my body and I still have plenty of hangups, I'm on a great road.

Arrr me hearties! It be Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Avast me mateys, Talk Like A Pirate Day is upon us. Scallywags and wenches from near and far be gatherin. Landlubbers put on their sea legs for a single turn o the hour glass to celebrate our proud pastafarian history. If ye be havin trouble with yer speech, head over to Cap'n Slappy and 'Ol Chumbucket fer a few lessons. In the meantime, enjoy some portraits I be hoistin of this fair beauty (which happens to be me), taken by me very own Cap'n Calvin- who does in deed have a hornpipe in his pocket and is indeed happy to see me! Now go celebrate the day at a grogfest or with ye playful galley wenches (or lads).

The Bi Blues- a history

I rarely write about my sexuality here because, for me, it was so easy to accept it as part of my life. Unlike most bisexuals I've met, I didn't always know that I was bi. As a child and a teenager I never even considered it- I was straight. I wasn't bothered by the possibility of being something else because it never occurred to me. Like most kids, I was fairly young when I started feeling those flutterings of sexual awareness.  No one ever explained to me what they were and for years there were no real thoughts attached to the feelings- no thoughts of boys or girls or anything else, just me and my body, and that was fine.

Meanwhile, in my daily life, I was starting to deal with boys and the classic crushes that came with it (not that I associated sexual feelings with these crushes- I didn't). My first crush (that I remember) was on a boy named Drew. We were in 6th grade and we used to play spaceships on the playground. Maybe my romantic yearnings came from the simple fact that he was nice to me. You see, in 3rd grade I went from being a beanpole, nicknamed "Heather feather" because a strong wind could carry me away, to being one of the fattest kids in school. No dietary changes or changes in my activity level.. just the emerging symptoms of depression and bipolar. So with my weight gain my popularity plummeted- and so did interest from the boys. I've been told that I had several "boyfriends" before that (I simply can't recall).

On Valentine's Day that year I gave Drew a card letting him know how I felt. I watched him open his paper mailbox anxiously. Finally he read mine- he looked at me from across the room, our eyes met.. and he laughed. He laughed long and hard and so did all of his friends. Drew never spoke to me again and, luckily, moved away shortly after. That was only the beginning of my boy troubles though- throughout middle school I was constantly asked out as a joke. I took the bait the first time only- later my mom told me that when he'd called he didn't even know my name. He simply asked for "the brown haired girl". I developed a fear of relationships in general. Throughout high school if someone hinted at having a crush on me I would push them away, get angry, feel embarrassed and avoid them as much as possible. How was I supposed to sort out that I liked girls when I couldn't bring myself to like anyone?

My one relief was the computer. I met and flirted with guys online. It was a safe way to boost my self esteem while keeping any realities that my burst my bubble far away. This tactic backfired in the long run- every time I received a compliment I thanked them while telling myself how wrong they were and mentally listing things they'd say instead if they knew me in person- all insults. I met my now husband  online when I was 14 and he was 15. He flirted with me- a lot. I brushed it off. Eventually I sent him a photo- from my 9th grade trip to Orlando with marching band. I was wearing a big floppy safari hat with long wavy reddish hair and awkward glasses.

"So...?" I asked him, "what do you think?"

"Oh.." he replies, "I was expecting someone pretty..."

Immediately I logged off, hurt, my poor self esteem reinforced. After a few minutes I forced myself to log back on and waited.

"Where'd you go? I didn't get to finish my sentence. I was going to say I expected someone pretty... but found someone beautiful"

It was cheesy and sentimental and my embarrassment grew. Again- if he only knew how wrong he was. He visited me in NC from PA the summer before my senior year and, later, through a series of fatalistic events, moved in with me when he became stranded in NC. So this was safe. And I was afraid.

Over the years he insisted that he thought I was bisexual and I insisted I wasn't- not because I thought it was bad, but because I simply didn't think about it. Eventually, once he got me out of my prudish shell and I began watching porn, I felt some stirrings for the women in the videos. I began to question myself silently, but was content to leave it at fantasies. I was sexually shy and repressed and full of fear- it was easy to ignore. It wasn't until I was about 20, living in PA and stopping at the corner store for a couple of groceries that it hit me, full force, when I looked at my cashier. A gut reaction- a powerful pull. I could feel my cheeks flush and I quickly got out as fast as possible.

At that moment I realized that I was indeed bisexual- here was an actual girl that I was incredibly attracted to. And I accepted it. I didn't tell everyone right away, but it took only about 6 months for me to slyly change my orientation on social networking sites and only another few months for me to be able to talk about it openly- not bad for finding out something about yourself that you never realized before.

At times I feel like I missed out on something, on knowing and exploring something about myself that I'll never get the chance to now. I guess I could say that about relationships in general and my obsessive fear is still evident in so many aspects of my life. I may have realized this much sooner were it not for the abuse I suffered by those around me. All the signs were there really- I reveled in compliments from bi girls or lesbian friends, the second I accidentally discovered you can look up porn online when I was 12 I looked at women, and I always felt just a little too giddy around other girls.

I like men and I like women- I'm bisexual and I love it. 

Fat Vegan- You're Bad for Business

How hard is it to find a fat vegan? Not as hard as you may think. Though there's never been a study done on the weight of adult vegans, adult vegetarians are only 10 to 20 pounds lighter than their meat eating counterparts. For many people that's enough to get a slight pudge down to a slim belly, but what does that mean for the obese vegan? If you are 100 lbs overweight and going vegan makes you lose 20lbs- guess what? You're still 80lbs overweight. You're still a fat vegan. And, apparently, you're bad for business.

According to Dr. McDougall, " Fat vegans, however, have failed one important animal: themselves. Furthermore, their audiences of meat-eaters and animal-abusers may be so distracted by their appearance that they cannot hear the vital issues of animal rights and the environment; resulting in an unacknowledged setback for a fat vegan’s hard work for change." So sorry fat vegans- apparently everyone's too busy looking at your belly for anything you say to be valid. 

Now, McDougall isn't all wrong- it's true that there exist many bigotries concerning fat people all over the world. - most of them simply untrue, but people will judge you based on how you look. Let's also be clear that those people, the ones who only care about the most superficial topics, aren't likely to go vegan anyway- especially since they're likely already thin. 

I went vegan for the animals- not my waistline. I eat well, I exercise, but I'll be damned if I'll let someone tell me that I'm too unattractive to be vegan- or that I'm so unattractive that I put others off of going vegan. I know dozens of vegans and every single one of them looks about the same as they did before going veg. 10 or 20 lbs makes little difference if someone's natural body shape is bigger. 

The bottom line is that I shouldn't have to torment myself to be thin just because someone else doesn't like how I look. These types of sentiments- encouraging vegans to obsess over their waistlines and the number on the scale isn't a healthy out look for anyone. Yes, we should try to be healthy, but not everyone even cares so why make them? It's their body, let them be. And for those who do- they're already trying to lose weight and eat as healthfully as possible, so why barrage them with messages that they're not good enough? 

I planned on making this a much longer blog post with  much more scathing and relevant comments, but considering i'm bipolar and borderline suicidally depressed at the moment, I'm going to go eat some fucking cookies- and if you think that makes me bad for your image then screw you.

"1 law to a Perfect Body"

I know that I recently did a blog on fatphobia and sizism, but let's be honest: we all know it's not going away any time soon. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm pretty sick and tired of seeing weight loss ads everywhere I go. I was recently reading an article by Sam Harris on beliefnet and I saw a version of the ad you see to the left. I can hear the assholes now: "you wouldn't be offended if you weren't so fat". It's times like that when I'm glad I have thin friends who are just as outspoken against sizism and the focus on body image as I am. 

Firstly, fat people are fat for a variety of reasons, but secondly, not a single one of those reasons is your business. Let's assume that what every thin person says about every fat person is true: that we just shovel food in our faces. My question would be: so what? Thin people are allowed to shovel food with no one batting an eye- some people may even find it endearing or entertaining. But should someone with a much slower metabolism do the same, they are looked at with disdain, disgust, and judgment.  So my first question to these haters is why are we not allowed to enjoy the same lifestyle that you are? 

The unintelligent retort tends to be "because it makes you fat!" but again I ask.. so what? The only reason this is a problem is because of assholes like you! If people were allowed to just be their natural sizes or whatever size they chose to be then there wouldn't even be an argument here. Okay naturally thin person who eats a lot and watches TV all day, you don't want to sleep with me. I get that.. I'm not attracted to all people either. I'm generally not attracted to thin people and I'm never attracted to extremely thin people, but I never degrade them or make them feel bad about themselves for being thin. Other people want to sleep with me- other people have slept with me, so it's obviously not a problem in my life. Combine that with the fact that I'm likely healthier than you are and you don't' have a single argument to back you other than your lack of attraction. If we got rid of everyone in the world that everyone didn't find attractive, how many people would we be left with exactly? I'm pretty sure that number would be low enough to exterminate the human race entirely.

Another argument may be "but it's bad for you". One more time everybody! SO WHAT? If people choose to eat unhealthy foods with the full knowledge of the risks then who cares? People go skydiving, people join the military, and people drive cars: all of these have well known risks and are rarely criticized for that reason. That doesn't even get into the fact that being thin does not exclude you from health risks of a bad diet. 

So let's compromise: everyone can eat whatever they want as long as they're not directly interfering with another's wellbeing or life and people can stop being asshats about other people's eating habits or physical appearance. Let's make that apply to all aspects of physical appearance shall we?

Caelan's party: the fun

This blog meanders a bit from my usual posts on social and political issues, but my son is a big boy :-) I couldn't help it. Don't worry.. my next blog will tackle some social issues as well as religious ones.


Caelan turned 4 last Thursday and his birthday party was Saturday. Many of my in-laws came down from Pennsylvania to be there. The party lasted all day! He wanted hero pirates for his birthday but they were hard to come by so I just did pirates. I planned on making little capes for them, but didn't have the time. The ship was incredibly hard to find since the Pirates of the Caribbean movies are older now. Calvin and I spent a couple hours going to several stores to finally find this one at Toys R Us- although it was far too expensive. His candles were sea creatures and his cupcakes were an island treasure map (could you tell that's what the little lines were?). For all the work I put into it, I'm not sure he quite appreciated it, but many of the other kids did! I used a great vegan chocolate cake recipe for the cake and the Betty Crocker gluten free cake mix for the cupcakes- using, of course, vegan ingredients. While making the cake i dropped the entire container of cocoa powder into the flour and had to eye it while trying to separate them. The cake turned out more decadent and absolutely delicious!

Having friends attend who were soy intolerant, gluten intolerant vegans I took Caelan's favorite dish (vegan mac and cheese) and subbed quiona noodles and a non soy faux cheese plus coconut milk and made a version that everyone could eat and love :-) Caelan didn't seem to love it as much as the soy filled kind, but that's okay- I'll make it sometime next week for him. The original recipe is:

1 lb macaroni noodles
1 package firm tofu
1 package vegan cream cheese
1 block (10oz) vegan cheddar cheese (I use follow your heart)
2 cups milk alternative (I use plain soy  milk)
1/4 nutritional yeast
1/2 box of crackers

Ricotta:
combine the tofu and cream cheese in a food processor and blend until just slightly lumpy. (if you're doing a lasagna you can add garlic and italian seasoning to this)

Cheese sauce:
Slowly heat the soy milk but do not boil. When hot, slowly add the vegan cheese- i just use a cheese grater to slowly grate it over the pot. Stir slowly until all the cheese is melted. Add nutritional yeast and stir again.

Mix the cooked noodles and ricotta together in a 9X13 pan then pour the cheese sauce over it. Mix it carefully. Top with crushed crackers and bake at 425 for about 45 minutes.

(FYI, some studies show that refined carbohydrates like flour and sugar may contribute to heart disease so Quiona noodles would be best- they cook and taste just like wheat noodles)

So for his birthday we started off at the Children's Museum- even the adults loved it! Of course, with 7 kids all darting off in different directions we lost a few just a couple of times. The museum is small and goes in a circle so they weren't hard to find. There was a real fire truck, police car, and race car as well as the real cockpit of a plane!  There was a child size house, construction zone, market, and play house too. Between three cameras I can't imagine how many photos we got!

Then we went to the park to eat and ride paddle boats. Being North Carolina it was in the mid to upper 90's and the humidity was oppressive. I accidentally left the key to the car trunk at home and guess where all the drinks were? So my mom went to a gas station to get more- which meant the kids drank soda instead of the juice that was still sitting in my trunk. Yes, I'm still kind of kicking myself for that one and I feel terrible that the kids all drank soda.

Think that was the end of an exhausting day? Oh no- then the kids all went to the science center (right beside the park). Luckily I went home with Calvin's grandma and her husband because they were tired (and so was I after three days of preparing for my in-laws and the party! Not to mention in injured knee and ankle kept giving out and making me stumble.) Did you have any doubt to the endless amount of energy children have? If so, you may be amazed that after 2.5 hours at the children's museum and 2 hours running around the park they spent 2 more hours at the science center. Apparently they burned a good bit of energy though because everyone was hungry when they got home (even though they'd all just eaten). If you don't have a Brixx in your city then I am deeply sorry. They have amazing vegan pizza (and non vegan pizza for those of you who don't love our non human friends as much). You don't even want to know what the bill was for 8 adults and 6 children though.


And, finally, the kids went to our place and played the Wii while I took my sisters in law to the mall- they were enamored with the large three story palace. Their mall kinda sucks (kinda is a pretty mild word for it). I'd like to sleep for the next week please.

Size-ism and fatphobia

I am fat. According to my BMI I am actually morbidly obese and I've flown before and yes, I had trouble fitting into the seats. Luckily I flew on skybus (they're out of business now) and they were much kinder than most airlines. And yes, my weight does make me terrified to fly... I also can't go to amusement parks.

It may be shocking to know, but fat people know they're fat. Honestly we do. And the majority of us work every single day to rectify that fact of our lives. The human body is complex and there are many things that contribute to weight such as, over eating, eating disorders, medication, psychological and emotional disorders and associations with food, slow metabolism, depression and anxiety (which create certain hormones which cause the body to hang onto fat), as well as bones/genetics, diseases such as hypothyroidism,and more. There are many thin people who are incredibly unhealthy (hello anorexia) but they don't get razzed for being unhealthy- not like us fatties do. It's a common fall back to say "it's not about how they look, it's about their health!" I'm incredibly healthy.. and yet still fat. my cholesterol is perfect, my blood sugar and blood pressure are great, I eat well (and vegan) and before I hurt my ankle I was extremely active (and still fat)- bottom line, health isn't the issue, sizism is the issue- i'll reiterate, fat people KNOW they're fat.. really we do- and we're all trying really fucking hard to get skinny and we don't need to be shamed, exploited, or bitched at in the mean time. I personally eat between 1200 and 1800 calories a day.. (yes, I track every single thing i eat or drink every day) not exactly stuffing my face now am I?

So I want to take a few minutes to outline some of those more complex issues that siez-ists and fatphobes dont' seem to get.

Medication: There are many medications that cause increased appetite... but firstly I'd like to point out how psychologically torturous and maddening it is to feel the need to eat and try to restrain yourself all day every day for weeks, months, years, etc. I should point out that people do not have infinite supplies of will power. Will power is controlled by the frontal lobe and is a finite resource. The more you have on your mind, the less will power you have- so expecting someone to be strong as steel when their body is constantly telling them to eat, is unrealistic at best.

Disease: The one everyone knows is hypothyroidism, but it's far from the only disease out there which makes people gain weight. Others include cushings, polycystic ovary syndrome, and Hashimoto' to name a few. And that doesn't even address the people who are undiagnosed or the people with sluggish metabolisms who just barely don't meet the guidelines for diagnosis.

Then we can discuss depression and anxiety- aside from the chemicals that make your body hold onto weight you also get water weight (with anxiety especially, but with depression as well). Depression also causes cravings for sweets as well as carbs. Why? the consumption of carbohydrates as well as chocolate induces seratonin in the brain- the more depressed you are, the more you want and as we both know, very carby foods are also very high in calories.

Moving on to eating disorders- this can partially be lumped in with depression and anxiety. The two eating disorders common to obesity are binge eating disorder and compulsive overeating. The problem is that people with these often do literally stuff their faces.. and then people like you look on with disgust and think they should just control themselves.. they do not get the same empathy and sympathy as the anorexic or the bulimic who ends up in the hospital. Binge eating disorder is similar to bulimia in that the patient consumes and then purges that which they have consumed. The difference is that the binger often eats excessive amounts of food (where as a bulimic may consume moderately normal amounts of food). Compulsive overeaters are often caught in the vicious cycle of binge eating and depression. With the eating disorder of Compulsive Overeating food is used as a coping mechanism to deal with uncomfortable feelings. Many compulsive overeaters speak of using the episodes as a way to numb all that is going on around them.

which brings us to our next point: emotional and psychological attachment to food. Even those without eating disorders often experience this.. comfort foods do actually give comfort. I'll give you an example: As a child we were never ever allowed to have sweets- my grandparents (whom I lived with) kept various kinds of candy sitting out in bowls that we weren't allowed to touch.. if we did, we got beaten. My sister and I were abused up until the time when we could decide to not go back. My mom moved us out when I was 6 (though we still were primarily taken care of by my grandparents) and we didn't have sweets because we couldn't afford them. We got sweets right after pay day or when we got taxes back or when it was our birthday. Sweets were special. So when I first moved out buying sweets made me feel good.. emotionally and psychologically they were a trigger that told me I was doing well, I was independent, and that I wasn't poor (even if I was). Luckily because I have a fairly good grasp of psychology- especially for myself- I figured this out fairly early and could take steps to rectify it. Now I feel well off and independent when I buy vegetables. But even the average person develops dependence, emotionally, on certain foods. It often causes a vicious cycle- eat, get depressed, eat because you're depressed, get more depressed, and on and on. Not everyone has the strength to break this cycle. Sweets, in our culture, are both held to high esteem (they ARE special) and despised at the same time. Often times these cycles begin in childhood when the child has little to no say over what they eat, but they are, nonetheless, set up psychologically to deal with these issues for the rest of their lives.

And these reasons and more are why obesity and morbid obesity are seen as, yes, medical issues- but also disabilities.. because there is a complex system that goes into the determination of a person's weight and it's not something that can be switched on or switched off. Current attitudes on the subject would be akin to someone telling you to just get up and go when you're fatigued from diabetes, or to just cheer up and snap out of it when you have clinical depression- while there are things that we can do to make ourselves less depressed (monitoring our diet, exercise, opening the windows to let in sunlight, keeping your head up, etc) it's not nearly so simple.

Please understand that the attitude of "I did it so why can't you" is not only hurtful and insulting, but it's an arrogant position to take. You will never know the details of a person's life and how they got to be the weight that they did.