On Apathy And The Self Centered Universe

I'm just one person, what I do doesn't matter anyway. 


So what? it's not my problem.


I overcame it, so can they and anything else is unacceptable and despicable. 

Why should I have to pay to take care of someone else? 

These phrases are common- to a depressing degree. I hear it most from local college kids who are usually libertarians, or from privileged, healthy, and driven individuals. They tend to have an "every man for himself" type of attitude that seems to be void of any type of human compassion. Why? Because they are the center of their universes. Generally speaking this is true of everyone. Human beings project their own feelings, thoughts, and expectations on others. We expect people to react to situations the same way we would, to share our world view in similar manners, and to have the same basic goals. People also tend to have different sized monkeyspheres. We intellectually know that people are different in a variety of ways, but that doesn't seem to often actually sink into our thick skulls.

Let's use a common example- infidelity which is, unfortunately, something that almost everyone experiences. This is a common type of abuse and one that people react to on vastly different scales. Girl A grew up in an abusive home and was constantly made to believe she was worthless and no person could ever love her. Person B grew up in a stable home where she was taught she can be anything she wants and she's full of worth and beauty. Let's assume the circumstance of infidelity are exactly the same- that guy/girl C purposefully seeks out an alternate partner for sexual reasons that are not in any way virtuous, accidental, or anything less than detestable. Miss A is going to be devastated.. everything she was told is confirmed.. she wasn't pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, or just enough of anything. This ties directly into her psychological makeup and experiences. Miss B reacts with anger at the abuser and realizes she doesn't deserve to be treated that way, immediately leaves and moves on with her life, being glad to be rid of garbage.

Now, the people mentioned in paragraph 1 would likely see Miss A's reaction as her own fault. Her feelings as her own fault as well as her inability to get past it. This is a bit like saying a rape victim's PTSD is his or her own fault (not the rape itself, but the resulting emotional and psychological damage that resulted). Miss B would be the "I overcame it why can't you?" type of person, not even taking into consideration that everyone will not and cannot react in the same manner as she did.

This is what I mean by the self centered universe.

Apathy is a whole different story and ties in mostly with the monkeysphere mentioned above. People who simply do not have the ability to see others as equal human beings to themselves and those within their monkeyspheres (which may include family, friends, co workers, etc). These people are also very self centered, only really caring about those who directly impact their lives. While we certainly can't personally care about everyone (perhaps about 150 people at most), we can certainly expand our compassion. Many people need to learn to put themselves in another person's shoes which doesn't simply involve "in this situation I know I'd do..." but rather "if I did and saw things the way this person does with all they're experienced and feel then how might I do things?".

My first recommendation if you wish to become a better, more compassion person is to go vegan. Yeah yeah.. I know you are probably rolling your eyes and heaving a big (if internal) sigh. But when you go vegan, even if it's for health or environmental reasons, then you automatically begin gaining compassion. It's far easier to judge people when you're already used to subjugating, torturing and killing others just for pleasure. We know that this is why children who abuse animals are marked with red flags for things like anti social personality disorder (sociopathy), narcissistic personality disorder, and a host of others. Why is it a red flag for kids but not for adults? Well, it really isn't different for adults, we just stop caring because we all do it.

The second thing I suggest is that everyone take at least an introductory course in psychology and sociology. If you are in high school or college this should be simple. If you are not, then visit psychology forums and read as much as you can. Familiarizing yourself with neurology and biology (even if only on a basic level) helps greatly too because both tie in greatly with psychology and sociology.

The third thing that I'll suggest is making friends you would never talk to before. Surround yourself with people who are different from you. The mentally ill, people who have a history of drug use or alcoholism, fat people, thin people, rich people, poor people. You don't have to be best friends, but getting to know people on a personal level you will not only begin to see things from their point of view but, more importantly, you'll begin to see how they all differ and why.

We have to realize that individual people make movements. If everyone decided that what we do doesn't matter, if everyone decided they'd rather live for themselves, then where would we be? What would have become of civil rights movements? Blacks rights, womens rights, gay rights, childrens rights.. one voice can be silenced, it's true, but a million cannot.

How Lessons From The Fat-O-Sphere changed my life

I don't mean to turn this into a fat blog. It's not- it encompasses many of my passions and ideas, but I do tend to get on topic kicks and I guess fat has been one of them lately. A few weeks ago I was visiting a friend, helping with a yard sale. We ended up talking most of the day about various topics, but at some point diets and fat came up (don't they always when two fat women are talking?). I can't remember exactly what was said although I'm fairly certain it was something about counting calories and how it never seems to work, and she told me she had something I needed to read. Lessons From The Fat-O-Sphere by Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby. I flipped through it and ended up forgetting it when I left.

A few days later my friend brought it over. Well alright alright.. I guess I'll read it. I was sure it was some stupid frou frou 'love your body, you're a goddess' crap.. which is great when I'm feeling euphoric and manic and decide that I'm the best fucking thing since sliced bread, but overall it's never held. So I read.

And man did I get pissed.

Seriously- this book is the type of book that, if you're like me, will piss you off at every new chapter. Everything in it goes against everything you know and have been taught. Then comes the sadness as you start to feel your hope of eventual thinness is being taken away from you by the cold, hard truth- backed up with plenty of studies and expert opinions. Then more anger at your body for being so stupid as to not be naturally thin like all those girls you know who can never seem to gain weight no matter what they eat. Then, finally, acceptance. If you can get through to that last part, I promise it's worth it.

Before I read this book I hated myself- and I had since I first gained weight around 7 or 8 years old. And why wouldn't I? Everyone told me I should and hey, they all hated me too so it made sense. Obviously I was just doing something wrong even when I was doing everything right. When I was a teenager I used to cut myself.. I used to cut the parts of my body that I hated. Once my brother found out he told all his friends at school that I was trying to cut the fat off. So then they could laugh at me for being fat and being a freak. In high school I began developing eating disorders. Throwing up, starving, diet pills, over eating, binge eating, and everything in between. I obsessed over my weight- tried every diet, went to gyms.. it never worked but hey, that just made me hate myself more for not doing it right.

At 25, married, and with a four year old son I still didn't have control over it. I began counting calories and the more I counted the less I ate until I was consuming about 300 calories a day. If I went over 500 I internally and mentally freaked out. I wouldn't let my husband touch my stomach, or any other part of me that I deemed too flabby or fatty.I hated having my photo taken and always hated going out where there were people because I felt they were staring at my fat and judging me. Maybe they are.. I've just learned not to care.

So what happened when I read the book and let it sink in? I started by posting video and full body photos (not taken at the myspace angle that most fat people use to visually shed 50 lbs), I began looking for fat positive photographers which led me to a site called Model Mayhem (I have two shoots booked this week already), I began wearing clothes proudly and even wear one of my shirts that has no back without layering and, most importantly, I stopped dieting. I realized that even when I'm not dieting and counting calories I still don't pig out and consumes thousands of calories in a day- so what was I so worried about? I've gotten involved in the fat-o-sphere and even helped start a new sub reddit on reddit.com. I'm much happier and, though I  haven't completely accepted my body and I still have plenty of hangups, I'm on a great road.

Arrr me hearties! It be Talk Like A Pirate Day!

Avast me mateys, Talk Like A Pirate Day is upon us. Scallywags and wenches from near and far be gatherin. Landlubbers put on their sea legs for a single turn o the hour glass to celebrate our proud pastafarian history. If ye be havin trouble with yer speech, head over to Cap'n Slappy and 'Ol Chumbucket fer a few lessons. In the meantime, enjoy some portraits I be hoistin of this fair beauty (which happens to be me), taken by me very own Cap'n Calvin- who does in deed have a hornpipe in his pocket and is indeed happy to see me! Now go celebrate the day at a grogfest or with ye playful galley wenches (or lads).